


Truth and Lies

by shadowlancer_95



Series: Aftermath of a Civil War [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, He needs lots of hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Not A Fix-It, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-20 02:00:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7386280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowlancer_95/pseuds/shadowlancer_95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Lying is done with words, and also silence.' - Adrienne Rich</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, sorry for the late update! This particular work will have two chapters, so stay tuned! :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel sadly, or Tony wouldn't be in so much pain.

_‘A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future.’_

_\- Unknown_

 

For a group of fugitives hiding in the same place from the rest of the world, they didn’t really get together often.

Oh sure, they shared greetings and fleeting smiles in the stark, sterile hallway, a comment or snark tossed in the air as they passed by each other, but sitting down as a group? Having a meal together? They hadn’t done that since the first time they stepped in Wakanda.

Today was different though.

Steve stepped into the dining area to see Clint perched on one of the couches’ back, Wanda curled up on said furniture, the both of them idly flicking through the channels on the gigantic screen in front of them. Opposite of them, Scott was sprawling across the lone armchair, his head tilted back in a way that suggested that he was asleep. Sam was by the sink, idly washing several mugs.

“Hey Cap.” Several voices chorused, making Steve crack a smile despite his heavy heart.

Steve accepted the cup of coffee from Sam, cradling the steaming mug carefully in his hands. The other man handed out drinks to the rest of them, placing Scott’s mug on the table in front of the sleeping man. The Captain meandered over and sat down on the floor, stretching out his legs.

“How have you been?” he said, directing the question to the archer and his charge.

Clint shrugged, idly flipping a knife in his hand, “Went out, saw things, came back.”

Wanda elbowed him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “We went sightseeing,” she said, smiling a little, “Wakanda is a really beautiful place.”

“Could do without the heat though.” Sam interjected, grinning widely.

Clint snorted and pointed the knife at the man, “You got that right. If it wasn’t cause of her,” he nodded to the redhead below him, “I’d stay in this building with wonderful air conditioning the whole day. Y’know, so I don’t die in the heat.”

Wanda rolled her eyes, “I can take care of myself Clint,” she said snappishly, “I don’t need a babysitter.”

Steve quirked a small grin at that. Whatever he planned to say was interrupted when Natasha strode into the room, a fierce look on her face.

“Nat…?”

The Black Widow snatched the remote from Wanda’s lap and pressed a button, locking eyes with Steve, “You all need to see this.”

Their heads all turned to the screen just in time to see Tony Stark appear.

* * *

 

Tony sucked in a breath, trying to get his body the much needed oxygen. He tugged at the tie around his neck, wishing desperately that he could take it off. A hand landed on his shoulder, and he jumped slightly, turning around to meet the worried eyes of his oldest friend.

“Are you ready for this?” Rhodey asked quietly.

Tony smirked humorlessly, “Always.”

He turned back around, trying to calm his racing heart. He sorely wanted to go back into his lab, where the environment was completely under control, but he knew that the world needed the assurance that the heroes that had protected them weren’t about to turn on them because they breathed wrong.

Tony sighed. This was one hell of a mess.

“Mr Stark?” a woman called out, sticking her head past the curtains, “You’re up.”

Tony nodded and gripped Rhodey’s sleeve tightly for a second, soaking in the comfort of having his best friend by his side. Rhodey placed a hand on his back, both a physical and mental support. The genius exhaled and stepped forward, his mask firmly in place.

(The rogue Avengers gathered around the screen, Sam shaking Scott awake. The tension tripled in the room, now silent with anticipation.)

It was a good thing that Tony was more than used to press conferences, because the amount of cameras flashing in his face would have blinded him if he didn’t know how to avoid them. He flashed a grin and a wave for the reporters and sidled to his seat, sprawling in it with a confidence that he didn’t feel.

“You know,” he started conversationally, leaning forward to speak into the mike, “I’m feeling a little jealous that I didn’t get this much attention at the last SI unveiling.”

He forced a grin onto his face as the crowd of reporters laughed. He allowed the grin to remain on his face for several more seconds before he let it drop. Inching his chair forward, Tony’s face became serious, and he held up a hand, the laughter dying down.

“As you all know,” Tony began, “I’m here today to discuss the future of the Avengers. If you don’t know that, you’re probably in the wrong place.”

He waited for the laughter to die down once again.

Tony sucked in a deep breath, “I’ve heard the names drifting around, but I’m pretty sure that you all have taken to calling the fallout we had a Civil War. I wouldn’t go so far as to say _war_ , but we had a disagreement. Despite that,” he raised a hand to stall the protests from the crowd, “I’d like to say that the Avengers are still around. We’re fewer in numbers, and we’ve taken a hit, but we’re still the protectors of the world, it’s what we’re here for.”

The clamor in the room skyrocketed, and Tony nodded at one of the reporters. Said reporter asked, “What about the Accords? Will you retract your support of the document?”

Tony shook his head, “I can’t speak for the rest of the remaining Avengers, but I am still in support of the Accords. I said once that I’ve been stuck in a system that was comfortable with zero accountability, and it was the reason why I shifted Stark Industries from manufacturing weapons to manufacturing tech. My decision remains the same. Without some form of accountability, the Avengers would be no better than the bad guys. It would be all too easy to cross the line and claim that what we do is for the good of the people. But where does it end? When the people are so afraid of us that they would rather die than accept our help?” Tony shook his head, “I don’t think that’s the right thing to do.”

“Is that why you’re pushing for amendments?” another voice shouted from the back.

Tony nodded, “The Accords were meant to be a form of accountability, but the form it took back then was nothing short of a power play. It was a legal document allowing whoever was in charge to control the Avengers as they wished. The Avengers are _protectors_ , not _mercenaries_.” Tony stressed, the dark look in his eyes causing some in the room to flinch, “As it was, the Accords allowed for total control over a group of people, and the punishment for non-compliance was far too severe with no room for compromise.”

Rhodey took over then, “The Accords that we’re pushing for now is one that we hope the governments of the world can agree on. The Avengers are primarily the world’s first line of defense against superhuman threats, we’re not exactly keen on becoming someone’s lap dog,” the colonel said drily, eliciting chuckles from the room.

Rhodey straightened up, “The amendments are meant to ensure that the Avengers don’t go unchecked, similar to reviews that are conducted in the military, but we are hoping that we can find a common understanding of the needs of both the government and the heroes so as to prevent further conflicts.”

The questions just kept coming after that, and Tony answered them as well as he could, deflecting some sly ones that he didn’t or couldn’t answer. There was a point where the discussion went off topic on the fate of paraplegics when Rhodey mentioned Tony creating his prosthetic.

The time they had was nearly up, when Christine Everhart, a sharp smile cutting across her face, spoke up, “What happened in Siberia Mr Stark?”

_“What happened in Siberia Mr Stark?”_

Steve winced when he heard the question. He would have dropped his mug were he holding it. As it was, the table cracked slightly from his grip on it. Sam turned around to give him a concerned look, to which the Captain shook his head.

Steve felt his heart pound with fear when he saw a flash of surprise cross Tony’s face when he heard the question, though it was wiped away as quickly as it came on. The ex-Avenger swallowed nervously, wondering what the genius would say in response to the question.

His answer came a second later.

Tony cracked a smile – it was so blindingly fake that Steve wanted to wince – at the reporter, “I believe that the question has already been answered once before.”

“You came out of Siberia with broken ribs and internal bruising,” the reporter pressed, making Steve close his eyes regretfully, “That doesn’t just happen –”

“That happens when you go up against a super soldier, even with a reinforced suit of armor.”

Christine eyed him shrewdly, “A super soldier? Or two?”

Tony smiled back at her, his eyes hard and cold as ice, “Since you seemed to have forgotten, let me refresh your memory, Zemo had released the other super soldiers, and despite the fact that I had two with me, three against five is still odds against us, so yes, injuries were bound to happen.”

“And after that? When Rogers and Barnes left?” she challenged.

“Rogers and Barnes were still fugitives who broke the law, and I was still the man who had been trying to bring them in hours earlier, so yes, they ran.”

“And left you in an incapacitated suit,” Christine finished coldly, a glint of triumph in her eyes, “Hardly hero material is it?”

Rhodey jumped in angrily, “Listen here, I don’t know where the hell you got your information from –”

“Okay that’s all the time that they have today.” A lady said, smiling saccharinely at the sea of reporters who were now clambering for answers, their voices melding into a chaotic mess.

Tony and Rhodey stood up, the former buttoned his jacket and slipped his sunglasses on, leaving the room without so much as a jaunty wave to the crowd, the latter trailed after him, a formidable glare on his face.

* * *

 

The screen blinked black as Clint shut it off, snorting angrily, “I can’t believe the nerve of that man. Bad enough that he lied about what happened, he still had to pretend that he was a hero?”

Sam nodded derisively, “I don’t know Stark all that well, but I thought he had the decency not to lie at least.”

Clint scoffed, “Please, that man embodies lying better than the fucking god of lies, you’re an idiot if you believe a word he says.”

Sam shook his head, “I honestly thought he was agreeing to help Cap.”

Scott shrugged from his seat, saying quietly, “I was told that you couldn’t trust a Stark.”

Clint sneered at the now black screen, “Damn well you shouldn’t, they just stab you in the back when you least expect it.”

Steve’s heart sunk with each word that his team mates uttered, all throwing in scathing remarks about Tony. The super soldier didn’t need to look at Wanda to know that she too felt the same.

“And the Accords,” Clint was saying, “he’s just trying to suck up to the government. I never thought I’d say that, but well, here we are! That’s all Stark is good at, I bet he isn’t even actually pushing for any amendments. If he even knows how to do that.”

Sam rolled his eyes but nodded in agreement, “I –”

“Enough.”

They all turned as one to Steve, who was looking down at his hands.

“Cap –” Sam tried.

“No, that’s enough.” Steve said.

“You’re seriously trying to defend this guy?” Clint asked incredulously, jabbing a finger at the now dark screen.

“Stop blaming Tony for everything that happened Clint –”

“No I’ll blame him however I want!” the archer snarled, “He’s the reason I was put in jail, the reason why I can’t see my family anymore. He never wanted to amend the Accords before, so why the fuck should I believe that he’s starting now? He’s just some selfish, stuck up asshole –”

“But he did!” Steve yelled, lurching to his feet.

“What?” Sam asked confusedly after a beat of silence.

Steve swallowed, sucking in a deep breath in preparation for the hardest conversation of his life. “Tony wanted to make amends. Back in Berlin, when we were talking, I mentioned the need for safeguards. That there had to be conditions to prevent people from abusing the power of the Accords. Tony agreed. He said – he said that if I signed, he could erase what we did to get Bucky away from T’Challa, and,” he looked at Wanda, “he could make sure that Wanda wouldn’t suffer the fallout from what happened in Lagos.”

Complete silence.

“Cap…” Sam said, his forehead marred with a frown, “Are you telling me that Stark offered a way to make what we did legal, and on top off that to clear both you and Wanda’s name, and you _didn’t take it_?”

“I –”

“No.” Clint growled, stalking closer to Steve, “Tell me that’s not true. Tell me that you didn’t just say that. Because what I heard is the fact that I could have stayed out of this whole fucking mess if you had just signed the goddamn papers.”

“It wasn’t so simple,” Steve protested, feeling defensive, “Tony had kept Wanda imprisoned –”

“Steve,” Sam said shakily, “Even if you didn’t agree with it, I still had the right to know.”

“Sam –”

“No!” the other hero snapped, taking a step backwards, “I had the right to know that there was an option. I had a right to know that we had the chance to make everything right before it even _began_.”

“What else is there?” Wanda asked quietly, pinning Steve with calculating eyes, “You would not have that strong of a reaction if this was the only thing, what else is there Captain?”

Steve looked away, his throat clenching involuntarily. He hadn’t told them anything more than vague details, and he wished that the ground could swallow him up now so he didn’t have to face their accusing looks.

But he couldn’t let Tony take the blame either. Not when the other man had done nothing but try and protect them, even now.

Steve licked his lips, “Tony lied about Siberia to the press, but he didn’t do it to make himself look good.”

“What does that mean?” Scott asked, confusion radiating from his entire body.

Steve swallowed, “I – you know that we fought, Bucky and I against Tony.”

The rest of them nodded, Clint narrowed his eyes, “What about that Cap?”

Steve worked his jaw, not knowing how to say the truth, “I haven’t been truthful with you, I let you draw your own conclusions because I was a coward. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not hearing anything Cap, _what_. _Happened_?” Clint ground out.

“Tony was there to help us.” Steve said, his hands trembling at his side, “He did his own research on Zemo and came after us. We were – we were searching the base, we were ready to fight the other Winter Soldiers. But Zemo killed them – a bullet to the head – and holed himself up in a bunker, taunting us from the other side.”

He took a shaky breath and continued, “There was a computer outside the bunker, and Zemo started playing a video. It was a file, a mission report: December 16th 1991.” He swallowed, “It was a video of one of Bucky – one of the Winter Soldier’s missions, a hit.”

“On who?” Wanda whispered, her widening eyes pleading with him not to confirm her suspicions.

“Howard and Maria Stark.”

Clint stumbled back as though he had been punched, and Sam reached behind him to grip Scott, who was equally shocked.

“Tony – Tony watched everything, up to the end. He – he asked me if I knew.”

“And did you?” Clint demanded, “Did you know?”

Steve pressed his lips together and nodded.

A force smacked him across his jaw, and in his shock he stumbled backwards, flicking startled blue eyes to Clint, who had his hand clenched into a fist.

“Jeez Steve,” Sam breathed, “How long?”

Steve looked away guiltily, “Since SHIELD fell.”

“Oh my god.” Sam coughed, “Oh _god_. Steve that was three years ago!”

“I _know_ alright?” Steve snapped back, “I made a mistake, I know that now!”

Clint shook his head, his mouth twisted in a disgusted sneer, “This is a fucking mess. I can’t stay here right now.” He turned on his head and left.

Sam shook, “I’m with you Cap, but this – I gotta clear my head.”

He left too, and Scott tailed him out, shooting Steve a confused and disappointed look which cut into him more deeply than any anger could.

That left Wanda, and when Steve looked at her, she just said simply, “I know better than anyone else how it feels to watch my parents die.”

Then she too walked out of the room, leaving Steve alone in the common area, with nothing but the weight of his mistakes to keep him company.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_‘Tell a lie once and all your truths become questionable’_

_-Unknown_

Steve didn’t know how long he sat in the common room for. His mind was a blank slate, numbness settling over him like a blanket. Mechanically, his feet led him to the infirmary, where his best friend – the one he had given up everything for – was sleeping. He stared at Bucky’s peaceful face, and wished that he could wake him from his slumber so that he wouldn’t be so alone.

Shame swamped him in a heartbeat, how could he be so selfish to Bucky? His best friend who had gone through so much torment and who now finally had some semblance of peace? Steve closed his eyes, leaning his forehead on the cool glass.

“I don’t know what to do Buck.” He whispered, “I thought that I was doing the right thing, and I still believe I am, but – but what if I was wrong? What if all of this is for nothing?”

“Would you acknowledge that you were wrong?”

Steve startled and turned around, relaxing his defensive posture when he saw Sam standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, a pensive look on his face.

“Would you?” the darker man repeated, his eyes boring into Steve, demanding honesty.

“I –”

“From what I’ve seen on the news, and what you told me,” Sam said, barreling over Steve, “I didn’t think that Stark knew how to admit when he was wrong. Believe me, I was shocked as hell when he came up to me in the Raft and said that he’d made a mistake.”

Steve’s throat clenched, “Tony admitted that?”

Sam snorted, “Yeah he did. He showed me what he found on Zemo, right after he knocked out the Raft’s audio.” The hero fixed his eyes on Steve, “You didn’t tell me about Siberia.”

Steve licked his lips, “It wasn’t my story to tell –”

“Cut the bullshit Steve.” He growled, hands clenching into fists, “You didn’t need to tell me the details of what happened, you could’ve told me enough to let me know that Stark didn’t betray you!”

“You thought –”

“What _was_ I supposed to think Steve?” Sam demanded, “I gave Stark your position because he begged me to, and then you come up without your shield and him,” he jerked his head towards Bucky, “missing his left arm? What the hell was I supposed to think Cap?”

“I thought he tracked our plane Sam, it’s Tony, he could do it in his sleep.”

“That’s reassuring. Really. It is.” Sam deadpanned, “And it would work, except that I know that you’ve heard me and Clint talk about our time at the Raft, you _knew_ that Stark was there, you _knew_ he came to the Raft to get information. So _why_ didn’t you say anything?”

Steve looked away, not wanting to face Sam’s disappointed look.

The Falcon sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “I made the wrong call when I said we shouldn’t tell Stark about Zemo,” he said, giving Steve a pointed look, “I assumed that Stark wouldn’t break the Accords for anything. Clearly, I was wrong about him.”

Steve looked back at his friend, “What are you trying to say Sam?” he asked quietly.

“What exactly did Stark tell you about the Accords?”

Steve felt as if the ground had dropped out from underneath him. He had no idea how Sam was this perceptive, but while he normally found it a charming quality, all he wanted to do now was to hide. But no, he couldn’t. Sam deserved better, he deserved to know the truth.

_Just like how Tony didn’t right?_ His traitorous mind whispered.

Steve sucked in a deep breath, “Back in Berlin, when I was in the meeting room with Tony, he gave me an offer. He said that if I signed, he could make the last twenty-four hours legal. I told him that there needed to be safeguards, and he agreed to make amendments to the Accords.”

Sam stared at him disbelievingly, “Why didn’t you take it?”

“Take it? Sam, he locked Wanda up!” Steve snapped, the blood rushing to his face.

“Did he tell you that?”

“Yes, why do you think I didn’t sign? He said that if I signed, he’d be able to clear the charges on my and Wanda’s head, he tried to brush me off but he admitted that he locked Wanda up in the compound! She’s just a kid for god’s sake, she didn’t deserve that!” Steve shouted, running a hand through his hair, frustrated.

“Sorry,” he hissed through his teeth, “I shouldn’t have shouted –”

“Steve do you even hear what you’re saying?” Sam asked slowly, as though he couldn’t decide to be angry or not.

Steve turned to face him, eyeing the controlled expression on his friend’s face, “…What?”

“Steve,” Sam ground out, “Stark gave us a free pass for Lagos _and_ for breaking Barnes out, and you turned it down?”

“You’re not listening Sam, what he did to Wanda was practically internment –”

“ _You’re the one who’s not listening Cap_!”

Steve flinched backwards, his eyes growing wide in shock. Never had he heard Sam lose his cool before, and whatever reply he had intended, clammed up in his throat.

“Stark agreed to clear the charges on you and Wanda for Lagos,” Sam said lowly, “The people were out for her blood, they wanted her to pay for what she _did_ –”

“She saved lives.” Steve insisted.

“I know!” Sam exploded, “I know she saved lives, but does the public know _that_? Does the public know that she saved hundreds of lives from a bomb that would have detonated on the ground? The answer is _no_ , they _don’t_.”

Steve tried again, “Which is why we needed to tell them that she’s not responsible for the deaths –”

“She is.” Sam cut in, “It was her powers that sent the bomb into the building. Am I blaming her for their deaths? No, I’m not. But it doesn’t change the fact that directly or indirectly, she had a hand in what happened. You’ve been in the military Steve, when something happens that results in a casualty, we don’t just look away. When Riley fell on my watch, I was taken off active duty not only for therapy but for a board review.”

Sam uncrossed his arms, “It wasn’t my fault that Riley fell – Lord knows I tried my best to catch him – but I was there, and the board needed a review of the situation to prevent any similar events from happening _again_. That’s what was supposed to happen Steve! She was supposed to have been taken off active duty, maybe even undergo more training, I don’t know, but you took that chance away from her Cap.”

“I – what?”

“You were given – practically handed on a silver platter – a way to make things right. Stark could have cleared her name, he could have helped let the public know what _really_ happened in Lagos, other than some bullshit story the media cooked up. Disregarding the fact that you didn’t like the options presented to you, you weren’t the only one in Germany, don’t you think that I should have had the chance to decide what I wanted for myself too?” Sam demanded, breathing heavily from his outburst.

The ex-military took a deep breath and continued, “I didn’t even know that there _were_ other options. I thought that Stark hadn’t been willing to compromise on the Accords. I followed you because I trusted you Steve. Even if I didn’t like what Stark had to offer, I would have still liked to make the choice _not_ to follow the Accords.”

Steve fell silent at that. How could he say anything? He hadn’t even thought about Sam when Tony had talked to him. He’d assumed that the other man would follow him since he didn’t agree with the Accords either. He’d assumed that if he didn’t like it, then Sam wouldn’t either. He took Sam’s loyalty for granted, and now – now he was paying the price. It galled him that he had been so careless with the trust his friends had put in him, and as the saying went, hindsight was indeed 20/20. He wondered if the reason why he didn’t even think to tell Sam about what Tony had offered was because he was afraid that Sam would leave him behind. And then he wondered how he could be so selfish to keep his friends by his side just because he wanted to feel okay.

Distantly, it made him wonder if that was how Tony felt when his friends left him one by one. And that brought up another can of worms that he didn’t want to touch with a ten foot pole.

“Were you even planning on telling any of us?” Sam asked quietly, his voice laced with hesitation.

Steve wanted to say yes, but that would be the biggest lie of them all, so he shook his head and looked away.

Sam nodded, then turned and left.

* * *

 

“What I want to know,” Clint said, startling Steve so badly he dropped his charcoal, “is if all of this was for Barnes.” The archer raised an eyebrow, watching impassively as Steve snatched up his drawing tool, closing the sketchbook in his hands.

“Clint…”

“I need to know Cap.” Clint stated seriously, “I need to know if all of this was worth leaving my family.”

“I’m sorry Clint. I wouldn’t have called you if I could help it.” Steve replied, truly sorry that Clint had to sacrifice his family for him.

“Come on Cap, you rained hell down on Stark for keeping Ultron a secret, hell you even commented once or twice about me keeping my family a secret, it’s time for you to return the favor.”

Steve winced at the reminder, his own words – _sometimes my teammates don’t tell me things_ – haunting him.

So he told Clint everything that had happened. From the moment Tony came back to the compound with Ross in tow, to the bombing in Vienna, to the high speed chase down the roads of Germany – everything that had happened up until Leipzig. He didn’t leave any detail out, and by the time his recount drew to a close, the rest of the team (minus Natasha) had somehow migrated into the common room and his voice became scratchy.

He kept his eyes down, not meeting any of their gazes, clasping his hands together in an effort to still the trembling.

“So the threat of the other Winter Soldiers were real.” Scott surmised, a note of relief present in his voice.

Steve nodded mutely.

“Why didn’t you bring that up with Stark?” Wanda asked, playing with the hem of her shirt.

Steve swallowed, “I –”

“I told him not to.” Sam interrupted smoothly, causing all eyes to turn to him. “Stark signed the Accords, and I didn’t know if he would screw us over or help us so I thought we shouldn’t call him.”

Clint sighed, “This is one whole fucking mess.”

Steve pressed his lips together, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I dragged all of you into this mess –”

“It is not that we do not wish to fight with you Steve,” Wanda interjected, “But we would have appreciated the truth.” She closed her eyes regretfully, “I sent Vision through many floors just to escape my confinement, if I had known that there was another way out…”

She shook her head, stood up, and left the room. Sam did the same, and Scott, having nowhere to go but at the same time, not really knowing anyone – escaped to the room provided by T’Challa.

Clint stayed behind, his eyes sharp and shrewd in a way that made Steve uncomfortable.

“What were your motivations Cap?” he asked.

Steve worked his jaw, “I told you –”

“That’s what you _thought_ your motivations were.” Clint cut in, “I don’t even think you know it yourself, but I want you to figure that out Cap.”

Steve fell silent, taking in the words that the archer said.

What were his motivations?

It started off simple enough, _standing up against bullies_. Then the war came, and then the serum, and his motivations evolved when HYDRA did. It became _saving the innocent_. And then he crashed into the ice and woke up in a new age, but his motivations didn’t change, it just expanded. He had lost sight for a moment, when SHIELD cracked open like an egg to reveal a newborn HYDRA. He’d thought that his missions had been a fluke, it galled him that he had been working – directly or indirectly it didn’t matter – for HYDRA, the very organization that he helped take down in the first place.

But still he wanted to save the innocent.

Even with Ultron, he hadn’t accepted that civilians could die – had forced Tony to look for a way out. He realized now how unreasonable that had been, no matter the intention. What if Tony had died trying to blow up the core? What if Thor hadn’t been able to escape? They lost Pietro, they could have easily lost anyone else.

Even so, he still wanted to save the innocent.              

Even in Leipzig, he had gone up against Tony’s team – and it was heartbreaking, to see their original family fighting against each other – because he knew about the Winter Soldiers and about what they could do. He wanted to stop them before they managed to screw the world over.

But –

Before that. In Germany.

He hadn’t been acting on the defense of the innocent then, he had been acting on his own selfish whims. Despite what he told Natasha – I’m the one most qualified to bring him in – he knew that he had gone to Germany for Bucky.

_Didn’t he deserve some acts of selfishness though?_ His mind whispered, _he had done enough, more than enough, he could indulge in himself once in awhile no?_

He was teetering on the edge of an epiphany – one that he didn’t quite want to admit. A look at Clint had him swallowing all those excuses, and forced him to examine his own conscience.

It started off simple enough, _stop the bullies_ , but somewhere, somehow, along the way, it evolved into _protect Bucky Barnes_.

He thinks it might be when he realized Bucky was still alive.

He remembers late night exchanges with Natasha, the ex-agent giving him all the information that she could get her hands on. Stilted conversations where she tried to convince him to ask Tony for help.

_“He has an AI that can access the whole world in a few seconds”_ was her argument, and while he agreed with her, he couldn’t in good conscience ask Tony to search for the man who killed his parents.

It was ironic that for all that Natasha was the spy, the one who dealt with lies and deception on a daily basis, she had been all for telling Tony about his parents. It was only because Steve promised to tell him that she relented, and backed off from the topic.

He remembers the different missions he and Sam went on together, hunting down his old friend. It reminded him so much of the time he spent with Bucky back in the old days that it took him awhile to realize that he had essentially been replacing Bucky with Sam.

The fiasco with Ultron took his mind off his best friend for awhile, but after that? After Thor left for Asgard, and Tony for New York? Every moment not spent with the Avengers was devoted to finding his elusive best friend.

Steve realized now how bullheaded he had been. He also realized that when he had gotten onto that Quinjet to Siberia, his first thought had been _thank god Bucky is safe_.

Steve lifted his head, his baby blue eyes meeting Clint’s warily.

The archer just cocked his head, his face unreadable.

Steve exhaled, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight – I –”

“It’s a simple question Cap.” Clint muttered.

Steve looked down in regret, “I did it for Bucky.” He whispered.

Clint’s eyes hardened, and he pushed off the surface he had been leaning on, “You should have told us right from the start Cap, maybe then we’d actually know where we stood with you.”

Steve leapt to his feet and grabbed Clint’s arm, preventing the man from leaving, “I care about you – all of you –”

“I know that Cap, but you also care about Barnes more than any of us.” Clint stated, wrenching his arm out of Steve’s grasp.

What struck him the most wasn’t the fact that Clint’s voice harbored any resentment, it was the fact that it held a tone of resignation, almost as though he wished for a different answer even though he knew what it was going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I know some of you commented on the lack of Natasha, and I do have a reason for that. Tbh, I wanted to include her in this two-shot, but I felt that her part wouldn't flow as smoothly with the rest. So yes, there will be another part for this series. In the meantime, Natasha has just slinked away.
> 
> Please leave a review on your way out! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a review on your way out! :)
> 
> p.s. Don't mind the press conference, I have no experience with stuff like that, so I'm just winging it. :)


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